Reconciliation
by lupelovell345
Summary: Johnny and Dally's deaths left a permanent mark on Ponyboy. Nightmares haunt him, but maybe one will make him true to that promise that he gave his word to Johnny. Nightmares can be bad, but sometimes they lead us to a different reaction.


**Soda POV**

I am arm wrestling with Steve, so far he is winning. Darry is sitting in his armchair while reading the newspaper. Two-Bit is sprawled across the couch, watching Mickey Mouse. Finally, my younger brother, Ponyboy, was tired and went to bed about 30 minutes ago.

Steve pins my arm and looks at me with a smirk on his face.

I am about to reply when I hear a blood curdling scream come from me and Pony's room.

I get up and me and Darry exchange glances. We both walk quickly to our room. I hear the scrapping of chairs behind me. Steve and Two-Bit know about Pony's nightmares, but have never witnessed them.

I walk into the room to see Pony sweating, trembling, and turning his head from side to side. I hate these nightmares, I feel helpless against them. I hate how they plague Pony. I hate it.

I walk over and sit next to him on the bed, "Pony wake up. It's just a dream. Come on Pone wake up." I gently shake him.

"No…stop, please." He mumbles, "Stop!" He screams.

I look over at him; his eyebrows are scrunched in fear. His face contorted with pain.

"Ponyboy, it's okay. Wake up." Darry says from the other side of the bed.

He starts whimpering. Darry is shaking his shoulders in an attempt to wake him up.

Steve and Two-Bit look awkward there, I'm about to tell them that they don't have to stay, when Ponyboy starts thrashing around. He is probably running away from something only he can see.

"Whoa! Pony, come on buddy, wake up." I say, putting my hand on shoulder.

When Pony, in his dream state, punches my jaw, I'm stunned.

"Soda, you okay?" Darry asks.

"Yeah, but the kid has your arm, Dare." I reply. He looks satisfied.

"Hold down his arms, so he won't do that again." Darry commands.

I comply, while trying to get Pony to wake up.

He is trying to restrain my hold on his arms.

_Damn this kid is strong._ I think.

"I'm going to get water to throw on him; hopefully he'll wake up then." Darry exits the room.

Ponyboy is still muttering things like no and stop. He starts moving his legs.

"Shit…" I say wondering how I'm going to do this.

"I got him." Two-Bit says solving my problem by grabbing his legs and pinning them to the bed.

This makes Pony thrash harder.

"Wow, this kid's strong." Two-Bit says trying to anchor him. Just then Steve steps in to help.

Pone is trying to resist us. I almost lose my grip.

"Johnny!" Pony screams.

"Pone please wake up, it's a nightmare. It's not real." I beg Pony. It has no effect.

"You sleep next to him when this happens? I'm surprised that you can still hear correctly." Steve says to me.

"Shut it, Steve. Not now." I snap.

"Sorry bud." He apologizes.

I nod my forgiveness.

"Dallas!" Pony shouts in a desperate cry.

He is not crying yet which is unusual.

Darry finally comes back in and kneels next to our baby brother.

"Soda!" He cries my name out in horror and pure fear, tears slip down his cheeks.

"I'm here Pony, honey wake up." I try one last time.

He doesn't stir; I shake my head in disbelief.

Darry dumps the cup of water on Ponyboy's face. I wait for him to wake up and come out of his nightmare, but when I look at his face he is still asleep.

"Darry…" I start.

"I know." He replies before I finish.

"Darry!" Pone yells next, tears still making slow tracts.

"Lil' Colt calm down I'm right here." Darry tries to calm him down.

"Two-Bit!" He screams next.

Darry and I exchange glances, Ponyboy never says Two-Bit's name.

I look at Two-Bit, he seems surprised himself.

He tries one of our tactics on Pone, "Hey kid I'm right here.", although it does nothing for Pony.

"Steve!" Ponyboy calls for next. Now I'm shocked.

"Kid I'm here too." Steve says with uncertainty that I know he is surprised also.

He calms down a little bit, then after a few minutes, starts squirming around.

"Mom, Dad!" I shake my head, when will this nightmare stop.

Then he stops moving. Darry nods for us to release our hold on him.

Darry leaves, probably to get another glass of water.

Ponyboy is still sweating, trembling and now he is muttering apologizes.

I start to reach my hand to his forehead, but stop when I remember the punch that will probably leave a bruise.

"This happen often?" Two-Bit asks.

"It's never been this bad." I reply not hiding the worry in my voice.

Darry then is beside me with another cup of water, but before he can pour it on him, Ponyboy's eyes flash open. His green orbs searching around frantically. He sees us, sits up and backs up against the wall by the bed. He is still looking around.

It is dead silent. I hear a noise and realize that Pony is hyperventilating.

Darry realizes it too, "Ponyboy I know you're scared, but you need to breathe or you're going to hurt yourself."

He looks at Darry with shocked eyes.

"Wrong choice of words Dare." I say in a low voice.

Pony's eyes swivel to mine and what I see there nearly breaks my heart.

His eyes show that he is… scared of me. Me?

_Alright this needs to stop, sorry Pony. You'll thank me later._ I think.

I make a move to grab him and as expected he tries to get away.

I'm quicker and soon I have him in a hug.

He places his hands against my chest while trying to push me away; I tighten my hold on him.

"Stop… let go of me." Pony says his voice sounding like I'm a Soc and he is going to get jumped by me.

"I don't know what that nightmare was about, but I will never hurt you. You will never have to be afraid of me or anybody in this room." I reply softly but stern to get my point across.

He still tries to push me away, but the attempts are getting weaker.

Darry stands and leaves with Two-Bit and Steve. I hear him thanking them and then the slam of the door.

Darry comes back in the room and looks at me with sadness.

"You have to let me go. Its better, I don't want to hurt you." Pony tries to convince me to let him go.

"Too late kiddo, you punched me while you were sleeping." I say chuckling to make it a joke because it didn't really hurt, just surprising.

He looks at me with a horrified face and then I realize now I have said the wrong thing.

In my daydream he has squirmed free. Before Darry can grab him, I place my arms around his waist and hoist him into my lap.

"Oh, no ya don't Lil' Colt, not so fast." I mutter to him.

"Please… I can't hurt you anymore. I'm just causing people pain." He pleads, the begs desperate.

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis, you are not causing anybody pain. Ya hear me?" Darry says sternly to him.

Pony looks at Darry like he's gonna belt him.

"Yeah Pone, we couldn't get along without ya. Neither could Two-Bit or Steve, they're just too stubborn to admit it." I remark.

"Please, Sodapop. Just let me go."He tries to break my hold.

"Not gonna happen." I reply.

"No, please." He whines, still wigging to get free.

"What was the dream about?"Darry asks gently.

Ponyboy stops moving and stares down at the sheets. I rest my chin on top of his head. Darry and I wait patiently.

"I can't tell ya." Pony whispers his voice strained.

"Why not, honey?" I ask confused, obviously this dream scared him if he didn't want to be near me or Dare.

"I just can't." He replies.

I and Darry look at each other; we both hate it when he keeps things bottled up.

"Pone, don't bottle things up. It doesn't help and it worries us even more." Darry says.

I look at Darry; I guess he took my suggestion to be outright with his feeling to Ponyboy.

Pony starts trembling again; I hold him tighter.

"I think I'm gonna be sick…" Pony mumbles.

He scrabbles free from my grasp and runs out of the bedroom.

I get up to follow him and as I near the closed bathroom door, I hear coughing and retching sounds.

I open the door and see Pony, he's pale and leaning his head against the wall, but close enough to the toilet.

He looks fragile and very upset. The losing his dinner confirms me that he is upset.

I kneel down next to him and try to look in his eyes. He avoids my gaze and I put my hand under his chin and force him to look at me.

Tears are welling and they start making tracks down his cheeks.

I pull him into me and he starts sobbing. I rock him back and forth, causing the sobbing to increase.

I rub his back and Darry is, beside us, stroking his hair.

After a few minutes, Pony quiets down.

"Lil' Colt… stop running away from everything. You don't have to be tough. We know you are, the whole gang does." I whisper.

"Why do you guys have to care so god damn much?" He spits out angrily.

I'm taken back at his tone and words.

"Ponyboy we're your brothers, we are always going to care. No matter how hard you try to get rid of us." Darry says equally shocked by our younger brother.

"But why! I'm a sissy, needing to sleep with my seventeen year old brother at fourteen, having nightmares, acting immature and stupid, not using my head, tagging along all the time, letting people dieing affect me so much, being short and acting like a stupid kid! I'd be better off somewhere else, not here, I don't belong here. The only reason Steve and Two-Bit hang out with me is because you tell them to and the only reason you guys care is because mom and dad told you to! So what's the point?" He yells exasperated.

"Pone, you are not a sissy, or stupid, or immature. Steve and Two-Bit don't hang out with you because we told them to, they actually like you. We care about you and love you a lot Ponyboy. How many times do we have to say that to make you understand, kiddo." I say equally exasperated.

He looks at me, "I killed all you… Johnny, Dally, You, Darry, Steve, Two-Bit, Mom and Dad. I killed them all. I didn't want to… then after you all died. We were in the lot and you all blamed me for killing just Johnny, Dallas, Mom and Dad. Then you guys were beating me, until you finally killed me. Was it my fault they died Soda? Was it?"

"Hold on Pony. What are you talkin' about?" I ask, getting more confused.

"The dream, nightmare whatever, I was holding the gun that killed Dally, I shot it. I held a match that killed Johnny, I dropped it. I tripped over the thing that changed the train tracks that killed mom and dad. I stabbed Steve. I drowned Two-Bit. I stabbed both of you and saw you asking me why. I just felt angry and it was… so scary."Ponyboy says trying to choke back a sob.

I looked at Darry, who had the same look of sadness mine probably did.

I pull him into my chest and squeeze him to me. Soon I feel his shoulders racking with sobs, still built up.

"Pone… their deaths were not your fault. It was just a dream none of that happened, alright?" I question.

"I feel so guilty though. How can I live when they don't?" He whines.

"Johnny and Dallas would want you to move on, Mom and Dad too." Darry confirms.

"I'll try… I'll try, I promise." He whispers.

"That's all that matters Lil'Colt that you're trying." I say softly.

"Well, it's late why don't we all try and get some sleep." Darry suggests.

We all agree and say good night to each other. I and Pony walk back into our room.

We lie down and try to sleep. I hear Ponyboy sigh and he thinks I'm asleep. He is tossing and turning trying to find a comfortable way to get to sleep.

"What's wrong Pone?" I mumble sleepily.

"Nothin', sorry." He replies.

"It's okay. Roll over." I command.

He does and I start making circles of different sizes, with different pressures at different places over his back. I've always known how to do this and that whenever I do it puts people to sleep.

"Soda?" He asks.

I stop, "What?"

"I love you."

I smile, "I love you too, kiddo."

Then I resume making circles on his back and soon I hear his light even breathing.

I lay back and let his breathing lull me to sleep.

_One night survived, over a thousand to go. But still, I wouldn't trade my life for anybody's. I like it just the way things are._ I think.

Then my lids get too heavy for me to keep them open, I pull Ponyboy into my embrace, and fall into a deep peaceful sleep.


End file.
